Music, friends, shamans, and dreams

Yesterday was such a fantastic day! I play in an African marimba ensemble with seven other people. We play mostly music from the Shona tribe of Zimbabwe, although we also play music from other traditions and some original compositions. The music is very lively, and always makes me feel good.

Yesterday our ensemble (Kufara) was invited to perform on the local pubic radio station in Pittsburg, Kansas (about 30 miles from Joplin). We met at the studio where we practice to go over the music we were planning to perform, and everyone was so excited about this gig, we were absolutely together. Then we loaded up all the instruments--quite a task, especially the big bass marimba which has to be dismantled in order to move it--and drove to Pittsburg. We assembled all the instruments in the studio at the radio station--it was a little cramped, but OK. Then we played for 45 minutes--we were the last ones to perform on a whole day the station had devoted to local performing artists.

We had to then load the instruments back in the van, drive back to Joplin, and unload again. Our studio is up a long flight of stairs, so after carrying the heavy wooden marimbas up those stairs, we were all pretty tired. Even though I felt tired, I felt very happy and "full." The marimba music feeds my soul! When I got my diagnosis of cancer, I thought maybe I should drop out of Kufara for a while to better focus on my healing, but I think that would be huge mistake. Playing in the ensemble IS part of my healing!

Saturday night my husband and I host a weekly "sauna night" for anyone who wants to join us for a hot time in a little box, followed by a pot luck. We never know exactly who will show up. Sometimes we will have quite a crowd, and other times we'll only have one or two. Last night we had a small gathering of five extra people. Some of them had heard the radio broadcast and said it sounded wonderful. I had been worried, as the marimbas sounded very loud (like a "wall of sound") to me in that small studio space, and I wasn't sure if the microphones would be able to pick up the sound so it wouldn't just sound like undifferentiated noise.

While we were resting and cooling off between sauna rounds, my friend Kyla and I were telling another friend, Cheryl, of some of our experiences with a mutual friend who is a shaman, now living in Peru. His name is Ron, and he decided about 12 years ago to study with shamans in Peru who use various plants for healing and spiritual journeys, Ron has conducted some ceremonies here, and Kyla and I have both taken part. As we were telling Cheryl about Ron and his work, my husband John came in and told me that he received an e-mail from Ron earlier that day, and Ron told him he had conducted a healing ceremony for me (in Peru). Ron said it was a "powerful journey" and that I should notice a positive change in the cancer very soon.

This morning I woke up remembering an extremely vivid dream about Ron. In it, he came up to me and embraced me. It was a mutual embrace--I was hugging him back just as strongly as he held me. The embrace continued for some time, and I felt so much love and strength flowing into me through Ron. When the embrace finally ended, I felt filled with health and vitality. I looked into his eyes and thanked him, and he just smiled. That is all I can remember of that part of the dream.

Another dream from last night: I am in a supermarket--a Safeway store. I only put three things in my basket, one banana and two eggplants, one large one and one smaller. I give the banana to the check-out clerk, then get the smaller eggplant out of the basket, but am surprised to find that it is spoiling. There is yucky stuff oozing out of it. The clerk takes it to throw away. I get the larger eggplant thinking it is OK, but then notice a tear in the skin, and inside I can see some mushy seeds that begin to ooze out. The clerk apologizes and offers to get some other eggplants, but I say it is OK, I'll just take the banana. My thought on this dream: the eggplants are breast-shaped, and it seems like the mushy stuff that was oozing out was the cancer. I'm not sure what the banana might symbolize.

In the space between sleeping and waking this morning, I was thinking of all the water I'm drinking. I feel like I'm flushing out the cancer. A sufi poem came to mind, one that I've set to music to make a song:

Clear away the clutter,
And out of your belly,
Clear clear through you
Clear creek runs again.